I keep getting these terrible headaches lately. I don’t know where they come from, because there is no common denominator between their occurrences. They happen when I drink, or when I abstain from drinking; when I am stressed or relaxed; tired or awake; when I have had coffee, and when I haven’t; when I am dehydrated, or not. It’s really bothersome.

Usually I don’t tell anyone about it, because they go away on their own, and I already have a bit of a reputation as a hypochondriac, but twice in the last couple months they have been so bad that I thought I was going to die. The last time I went to the emergency room, and I thought it was a reaction to some medicine I was taking. They gave me a Cat Scan, and sent me home, and I felt better.

Last night I had another bad one though. It set in around 9 PM, and I tried to sleep it off, but I woke up within an hour of going to bed, and I was really disoriented. It felt a little like being high on pot, you know, that fractured reality feeling. The best way I can describe it is like my whole world was cardboard cutouts, like the ocean waves they use in theater. Plus there was this tickly feeling like the one you get in your throat when you are eating a cold hot dog. The whole world felt tickly that way. The pain was only on the left side of my head, radiating down into my left ear and neck.

Anyway, it eventually went away, but only after I wandered around in the street for an hour at 2 AM. I didn’t get back to sleep until probably 330 or 4, so naturally I am a little tired today.

I don’t really worry about them because I had that brain scan, but it is still disruptive to my routine, and a little unnerving.

When I first read this headline, I had to do a doubletake to make sure it was December 1st and not April.

I mean seriously, this president is leaving office with the second lowest approval rating of all time, the nation at war(s), a failed economy, and having drastically lowered America’s world standing, but there are still people willing to give him awards? Oh, right, Christians.

Rick Warren, mega-pastor and master of irony, invented this award specifically for the occasion. I guess we should expect nothing less from a man whose claim to fame is as a leader of self-described “sheep,” who consider it a virtue to ignore reason.

The medal is to be awarded for

“alleviating…pandemic diseases, extreme poverty, illiteracy, self-centered leadership and spiritual emptiness”

Well, I sure as hell can’t speak for everyone, but here on the home front diseases are up, poverty is skyrocketing, literacy is down, I am feeling pretty ignored by my leadership, and lack of spirituality is at a lifetime high.

Great news! They killed the guy who masterminded the assemble-a-bomb-on-the-plane scheme.

Now that we have gotten rid of the bad apple, we bunch can once again have toothpaste and lotion on planes, right? What’s that you say? Never again?

You know, if inconvenience can be ranked with death on the scale of “Things That Ruin Your American Lifestyle,” then the terrorists have already won a million times over.

You cannot convince me that this woman is pro-life. Not because she eats turkey, but because she, and the people she hires for PR, obviously have an irreverent attitude towards killing.

She just cackles with that shit-eating grin all the while…

I have been meaning to write about this for a while, but am just now getting around to it.

At my work, I used to have two trash cans. One of them was the big blue one with the triangle of arrows that I am sure you have seen, and it was for recycling, while the other one was just a plain black bin, and it was for all other garbage.

Only after separating my trash faithfully like a good little recycler for three months did I find out that the janitor had been instructed to throw both bins into the garbage.

I was pissed! I mean I was even pulling the staples out of paper to go in that bin! Hell, I even meticulously removed the little plastic windows from of envelopes before tossing them in. Come to find out that all my recycling had been in vain. What a joke.

Anyway, the firm decided at some point that it was going to institute a real recycling policy, and so they made this big huzzah about how we were going to get new bins, and so that offered at least some consolation. Until I saw the bins…

They took away my blue bin (don’t even ask me why I had it in my office in the first place if there was no recycling policy in effect), leaving the black bin, which would be now relegated to recycling, and got us this stupid little hang on bin that is supposed to be for non-recyclable trash:

One problem is that the black can is actually smaller than the original blue bin, and seeing as most of my job consists of pushing paper, it fills up way too fast. Not to mention, the hang on bin is, as you can see, absurdly small.

It basically only holds a grande size Starbucks drink, so if I want to fit anything else in there, I have to crush all my trash. I usually cook my lunch on paper plates, so I have to fold them in half and then arrange all the small bits in the space between them. It ends up looking like a sidways garbage taco. (I would like to recycle the plates, but they refuse to take anything that has even touched food.)

And, finally, if you put anything heavy in it, has a tendency to tip over, which is a huge pain in the ass if there is anything liquid in it.

I really just don’t understand why the janitor can’t cope with two cans.

This whole affair would have been a nice aside in the movie Office Space.

After reading this story this morning, in which a woman was allegedly mugged, and had a “B” carved into her face by a crazed Obama supporter, I considered writing a blog about how she was probably making it up. It seemed unlikely to me that she would be mugged, beaten, robbed, sexually assaulted, an mutilated with a “B” in her face, all in one go, as some sources claimed. I mean, come on, what kind of fish story is that?

First off, I wouldn’t credit a criminal with being that well organized to make such a coordinated multi-prong monetary/political/sexual attack.

Second off, the so-called “B” was FREAKING BACKWARDS!

This just screams “I’m too dumb to realize things are reverse when I am looking in a mirror.”

Anyway, I felt pretty bad after making these judgments against someone who was probably genuinely hurt, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. Come to find out later, she made it up.

What an idiot.

“And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper? And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground.”

     Genesis 4:8-10

“And he answered me saying: ‘This is the spirit which went forth from Abel, whom his brother Cain slew, and he makes his suit against him till his seed is destroyed from the face of the earth, and his seed is annihilated from amongst the seed of men.”

     Book of Enoch 22:7 (Non-canonical book of the old testament removed by the Jews ^[1])

–

In Gaelic tradition, surnames are derived by adding Mac (meaning “son of”) to the name of one’s father, or Ó (meaning “grandson of”) to the name of one’s grandfather. However, Mac is often shortened to Mc. ^[2]

–

Given that John Sidney is, by his own name, a “son of Cain”, and that since Abel’s murder it has been his charge to eradicate the progeny of Cain, I think it is a little risky to vote in a president whom God might smite at any time.

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Enoch
2. http://www.irishtimes.com/ancestor/magazine/surname/index.htm

Sarah Palin doesn’t consider people who bomb abortion clinics to be terrorists.

What happened to the unswerving dedication to “life”? Aren’t you pro-life?

Oh, there is that whole business about you killing moose, and then killing wolves so they don’t kill the moose that you want to kill. And supporting war. And supporting the death penalty.

Yeah, I guess you’re pro-life…

John McCain prepares to feast on the blood of an innocent.

Religious fundamentalists will be the end of this country.

“I can’t imagine having a president of the United States named president OBAMA. I really have a problem with that, and I am not the only one”

“Because…that means what to you…”

“(pauses and stares into the distance, thinking. Nigger raghead-cameljockey) His background…”